


A Rush of Blood to the Head

by Kitzie



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Aftercare, Fluff, M/M, PTSD, Rope Bondage, SOLDIER boys be strong, Safewording, Shibari, Soft Boys, Subspace, Wax Play, kinda semi smutty i guess, what even is plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:15:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27149950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitzie/pseuds/Kitzie
Summary: With Zack, Cloud can be soft and vulnerable. But some traumas aren’t so easy to overcome. It helps, though — being together.Set somewhere in a post-AC AU where Zack is still alive.
Relationships: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	A Rush of Blood to the Head

**Author's Note:**

> This is really just an excuse to explore subspace a bit, what happens when a BDSM scene goes wrong, and to explore healthy reactions to when a safeword is dropped, cause I don’t feel there’s enough of that out there. Not sure I really did it justice but heck, I drew on personal experiences and tried.  
> Please note: Sephiroth is not a good guy in this. The brief mention of him paints him negatively. I apologise to the Seph stans, I do love him myself but for the purposes of this I needed him to be the insane uber-villain version.  
> Oh, and if the title seems familiar, you're absolutely right: I had the song by Coldplay running amok in my head continuously as I was writing this, so go on and give it a listen as you read if you wanna get into my mindset.

"That's it, baby."

Cloud was floating, free-falling gently in a whitewashed world, uncoupled from time and space. It reminded him of floating in the Lifestream, detached and yet connected to the goings-on in Edge, in Midgar, on the entire Planet. Distantly, he was still aware of his body — the blood rushing through his ears and heartbeat pounding in his chest; the gasping breaths forcing through his nose and mouth, filling his lungs with vital oxygen; the twitching and trembling of his muscles, trying to get closer, no, further away, no, _closer_. But closer to what?

"There you go, baby, just relax, enjoy it..."

The words didn't make much sense to Cloud, but they soothed something in him, some slowly rising agitation he hadn't even realised was bubbling up inside him. With a trembling sigh he relaxed again, sinking deeper into the soft, vast white. He couldn't move, muscles bound and pinned, but found he didn't want to. _Fragile_ , that's what he was. Fragile and soft, a fact only accentuated by hands running hot over his body, feeling, caressing, exploring, _owning_ every part of him. But Cloud found he didn't mind that, either.

Safe. He felt warm, and soft, and so, so _safe_.

So safe, he barely even hissed when something hot and burning pierced his haze for just a second, there and gone in a heartbeat. A second drop of heat soon after, just a touch giving way almost immediately to the cloying feeling of thick, viscous liquid drying on skin. Drip, drip, drip, again and again, heat shaping patterns and chasing shadows of pain across his body, his skin, his soul. It had him sigh, and smile — a big, dopey stretch across his lips that felt unfamiliar even in this white world — and squirm against the bonds embracing him tightly, holding him warm and close and exposed.

But he wanted closer. Further away? No, _closer_.

"Hey, you still with me, beautiful? Look at me, Cloudy-sky."

The drip of heat stopped, and the warmth enveloping his eyes was taken away. Cloud blinked hard against the cold assaulting his eyes, blind and unseeing, before scrunching his face to fight against the cold threatening to draw him from the blinding white. He tossed his head back and forth, suddenly all too aware of his wild blond bangs sticking to his forehead, of the way his sweat made his skin prickle with cold and his hands clammy.

"Shh, it's ok baby, look at me."

Cloud tried, tried to focus on the voice, recognised it as his focal point, as something precious and dear and _important_. But try as he might, he couldn't slip free of the haze... wasn't even sure he wanted to. The haze felt safe. In the white world, he didn't have to think, could just float and feel and exist, let himself be doused in the abject certainty of the void, and nothing else.

A hand touched his face, warm and large and so, so gentle, cradling his cheek like he was the most precious thing in the world. Cloud sank into the feeling, nuzzled in. He couldn't free his mind from the haze, but he could definitely feel this warmth, calloused fingertips tracing fine veins just beneath his skin. It was grounding, made him feel more real, more connected to his body again.

"Try and open your eyes for me, hmm, baby?"

Cloud _knew_ this voice. How couldn't he? This voice had carried him across the entire world, once upon a time; this voice had been the only thing he could hear or feel or love for an eternity compressed into the space of a year. He wanted to obey, wanted to do as he was being asked. Really, he did, but the meaning of words still seemed so far out of reach. A twitch and a quiet groan escaped him instead as he sank deeper into the cradle of that warm hand.

"All blissed out, huh?"

A chuckle, and a second hand now carding warm, strong fingers through his hair. Floating, Cloud was still floating. A warbled sound escaped him, and even he could tell that wasn't words, but the voice and hands didn't seem to mind.

"Gaia, I didn't mean to let you sink so deep."

Absently, Cloud registered that he was slowly starting to understand words again, but that didn't help him if those words made no sense. Cloud didn't know where he was supposed to be sinking. He was _floating_. But the fingers didn't stop their ministrations, and so Cloud found again that he didn't mind, instead letting himself enjoy the feeling. The voice could be so silly, sometimes, but he found himself enjoying that, too.

"It is alright, baby. I'll take care of you until you come back down. Just try and open your eyes for me when you can, ok?"

There was shuffling, and Cloud felt himself be jostled until the warm hands no longer cradled just his head, but his whole body. He still couldn't move, but that protective warmth was all around him, and really that was all he could ever want.

Awareness, once lost, was slow to come back. Cloud didn't know how long he lay there, floating, cradled and safe, but in this timeless void he existed in, it didn't matter. Not until awareness finally did return, in bursts and waves, slowly informing him of aches in his body, little discomfort from being immobilised too long, small prickles and tingles where nerves were uncomfortably compressed. Awareness slowly woke him from his dream, carefully returning his mind from the grasp of the haze. Awareness reminded him there was a world beyond this room, this bed, these ropes, this embrace.

Awareness, it seemed, was a bitch.

Though he wasn't wholly clear on the details yet, Cloud slowly started recalling where he was; their home, their room, their shared bed. It filled him with warmth, compounding with the strong, warm arms around him and the firm ropes wound tightly around his limbs. He sighed happily as he focused on his senses, slowly remembering the last instructions he received: _"Just try and open your eyes for me when you can, ok?"_ It would be a good start to regain his grip on reality, if nothing else.

But his eyelids felt like lead, a heavy weight he could not move. Cloud was soft and fragile and small in the cage of those warm, strong arms, and opening his eyes felt like an absolutely insurmountable task. Yet, as the white world receded further and further from his consciousness, the world beyond his eyelids started to appear more and more… red? But that made no sense. There was no red in the intimacy of their room. Unless...

A queasy feeling gripped Cloud, but he was still too floaty to truly register it. What he did register was a feeling of _wrong_ , a feeling so intense it made his teeth itch.

He opened his eyes. And he screamed.

* * *

Cloud slammed fully back into his body so fast, it left him dizzy with vertigo.

His ears were ringing, nostrils filling with the acrid smell of smoke and tongue tasting blood, bl _ood, oh Gaia, so much blood_ , and all he could see was fire all around. The flames were eating their way through everything, indiscriminately attacking bodies and homes, tearing through the water tower, steadily burning their way closer to where he lay prone. Cloud couldn't move. All he could do was lie there and watch, helpless, as Nibelheim burned all around him.

Some fevered, distantly lucid part of him was still screaming — _"Red, red, oh Gaia_ red _"_ — but most of him was sheer panic, nothing but the same weak, trembling boy who’d been unable to do anything but watch helplessly the first time this had happened.

Until it clicked.

He _wasn't_ that boy anymore. Not by a long shot.

His days of weakness were behind him. There was no more place for the fragile innocence of youth. He'd long since cloaked himself in armour of ice and steel and sheer determination, and nothing would keep him down anymore.

He thought he could hear a voice screaming at him, calling for him, but he payed it no mind. Where previously he trembled , incapacitated by fear, Cloud now began to struggle against his bonds, ignoring pain and smoke and fear and the distinct feeling of hands scrambling for purchase on his sweat-slicked skin to tear past his bonds, until with a roar, he ripped his arms free. He could still feel the heat all around him, stifling, overwhelming, could still smell and _taste_ the smoke all around, feel it burning his eyes. Frenzied now, his eyes darted all around, feverishly searching for the man he knew caused all of this. Revenge; yes, revenge would be his. No matter how many times he’d already killed the bastard, it would never be enough. Cloud would tear him limb from limb, throw the pieces to the fire until his miserable body and all his diseased cells burned just like the town all around them.

Strong, he was _strong_ , the most powerful man on earth, Mako-enhanced and vicious; nothing could stop him, nothing could bind him, _him_ , the man who had defeated Sephiroth, not once, not twice, but _three times_ , who had faced the Planet's end and fought in its defence; he was unstoppable, indomitable, and he would-

"Cloud, please, calm down.. Fuck, you're hurting yourself, please baby..."

There it was again, that voice. Like lightning splitting the night sky, it cut through his rage, leaving Cloud wholly disoriented.

He tried to speak but found his mouth dry and throat hoarse. What _was_ it about this voice…? Cloud knew this voice, he could feel it in his bones, but still, still, he couldn’t recognise it, couldn’t recognise anything through the fog around his mind. Cloud tried to blink, tried to swallow, something, anything to gain a hold of his sensory organs again. But it felt like he was fighting against a force stronger than himself, like someone or something cast Darkness over him, and he couldn’t figure out where he’d left his Remedies. 

Still, Cloud kept blinking, shaking his head as if to clear his vision… and slowly, shapes and colours started to make sense to his addled mind again.

When his eyes finally managed to focus, he first noticed twin orbs of a vibrant violet-blue, too luminescent to be wholly natural — Mako eyes — framed by a wild shock of thick black hair.

He knew those eyes, knew that face. Knew intimately the shape and taste of those lips under his own, and the feel of that cross-shaped scar under his fingertips.

"Zack...?"

All tension left him in a rush, leaving Cloud light-headed. He collapsed forwards into strong arms, _Zack's_ arms, strong and warm and _so safe_ , and for the first time, he became aware of how hard he was trembling. Was shaking so hard, his teeth were chattering.

Zack’s arms were squeezing around him within an instant, banded tightly around Cloud and pulling him close, soothing him. Wrapping him in a cocoon of warmth, though it didn’t quite ease the chill of fear still pooling deep within his belly. Stroking firm and warm over his trembling sides, over his back, with long, slow caresses, until the worst of the shivers left him.

“That’s right Cloud, just breathe, just breathe. In and out, slowly, breathe in time with me.”

And he tried, really he did. But still his eyes darted around, little moans and gasps of distress escaping him unbidden as he sought the source of his panic. But Cloud saw nothing, no one, just Zack and him in the room, illuminated only by the single candle standing forgotten on the bedside table and the red light of sunset pooling over the wall.

Cloud furrowed his brow in confusion — the fire… just a candle? And all the _red_ everywhere…? — and then groaned as realisation hit, the last of his terror leaving him with a heavy exhale.

Sephiroth wasn’t here. He would probably, hopefully, never appear again. And he wasn’t back in Nibelheim, or in a burning structure at all. It was just a candle, just a perfectly ordinary sunset. Cloud was with Zack. Cloud was home. Cloud was safe.

“’m ’n idiot…” Cloud mumbled, face buried in Zack’s strong chest and muffling his voice.

“No you’re not, Cloudy-sky.”

The response was as immediate as it was firm. Cloud relaxed further into Zack’s hold, tension leaving his body and leaving him drained and exhausted. Those strong hands never stopped caressing him, never stopped offering comfort, even as they started gliding over his arms and hands, worrying over the raw rope marks Cloud had managed to give himself tearing through his bonds, and rubbing circulation into his limbs. No normal human could have ever escaped being tied up like that through sheer brute force alone, and they both knew it… but that didn’t stop the body from taking some damage in the process.

Fucking SOLDIER strength.

Nothing a Cure wouldn’t fix, at least.

Once Zack was reassured Cloud’s arms would be fine, he focused his attention lower, to where the blond’s legs were still bound. With gentle movements, he pulled Cloud a little higher up his body until he could reach better without reducing their body contact, apparently unwilling to put even that much distance between them. Cloud definitely didn’t mind that, letting himself be pulled and moved as necessary whilst staying sprawled over and enjoying the warmth provided by Zack’s body.

It didn’t take long for Zack to manage to undo the ties, pulling the ropes off Cloud’s skin gently and rubbing circulation into his thighs, his knees, even his calves before eventually urging Cloud to stretch his legs with gentle nudges. It made Cloud sigh, the gentle ministrations and the feeling of circulation returning everywhere it was supposed to, but he quickly started shivering with cold now that his body was coming down.

Zack, ever-loving and attentive Zack, noticed immediately and pulled the covers over them both, rolling them gently to the side until he could wrap himself around Cloud, effectively blanketing him in warmth once again.

The silence was comfortable, only their shared breathing and Zack’s steady, strong heartbeat in Cloud’s ears. But something still niggled at the back of his mind. Silence was so unusual for the taller man, and shame for his outburst was starting to make Cloud feel fidgety.

“…You’re not gonna ask?” he mumbled, voice low in this intimacy, and to hide his nervousness.

Zack took a moment to kiss Cloud’s forehead before he responded, a long, tender press of his lips against pale skin.

“Nah. You call red, we stop, it’s as simple as that. You’ll tell me when you’re ready. Though you did scare me, Cloudy-sky.” While Cloud tried to wrap his head around that fact that he’d apparently managed to say his safeword out loud in the midst of his panic attack, Zack squeezed just a little bit tighter, wrapping himself more firmly around the blond. “Just tell me — is whatever scared you gone, now…? Or do you need anything else right this moment? Water, food, anything?”

“No it’s… it’s gone,” Cloud managed to respond, though he was finding it hard to swallow past the lump in his throat. It was hard to keep feeling shame when Zack was being so — so understanding, and warm, and good. Instead, he took a few moments to take stock of his body, of the many sensations shooting simultaneously through him. Really he just wanted to stay here like this with Zack, to just exist in the feeling of warmth and security the other man infallibly provided him with, but a couple of needs were starting to make themselves known after all. “Maybe… some water. And do you have the Cure handy?”

“Of course, baby.” 

Zack had barely pulled his arms from around Cloud when a whine escaped his throat at the loss of warmth, own hands already shooting out to keep the raven-haired man close.

“Ah, I…” Cloud fumbled, trying to cover his outburst. He could feel a blush rising to his cheeks and hid his face in Zack’s chest, whose arms wrapped tight around him again immediately, but the aftermath of everything had him feel needy and desperate, wanting Zack to stay as close as possible. But how to put this into words, when he again felt a little wave of shame bubble up inside him?

“Come on, stop that. I can hear you overthinking.” The admonishment was gentle, and Zack followed it up with a couple of gentle kisses pressed to Cloud’s temple and cheek. “I’m not leaving you, I promise. Everything is right here on the bedside table, I just need to reach over, ok?”

“…Ok.”

Just a few words, but Zack managed to completely soothe the insecurities welling up inside him. To Cloud, who was never any good with words, and barely any good with people, it was some strange, inexplicable form of magic.

He managed to unwind his arms from around Zack, letting the man reach over to grab a bottle of water and the orb of Cure Materia before he immediately returned to wrapping himself around Cloud, though true to his word they’d never lost physical contact. Still, it was soothing to be wrapped up again, even more so when he felt the gentle touch of the Cure spell wash over his whole body, engulfing him in a gentle green light for a few moments before dissipating. The relief was instant, and Cloud sighed into the sensation, burrowing deeper into Zack’s chest. The taller man chuckled in response, putting the Materia down on the bed and gently cupping Cloud’s face instead. 

“Gonna need to sit up a bit to have a drink, though, Cloudy-sky.”

Grumble as he may, Cloud knew Zack was right. He could _hear_ the smile in his voice, gods damn him. With only a few more nonverbal complaints, Cloud managed to push himself up on an elbow just enough to accept the bottle, touching it to his lips. Once the cool wet touched his tongue, he realised he’d been _parched_ , and he greedily downed half the bottle in one go before taking a moment to breathe. He followed up with a few smaller sips before he felt more human again, finally handing the bottle off to Zack who was still smiling at him.

“…What,” he mumbled, not quite able to hold Zack’s gaze.

“Nothing,” Zack said, and of course he was _still smiling._ Cloud huffed, and it made Zack outright laugh, though it was quiet and gentle. “Just happy you’re looking more like yourself again.”

He accentuated his comment by threading a gentle hand through Cloud’s blond hair, and he couldn’t help but close his eyes and lean into the touch. He sank back down into the bed slowly, letting himself be enveloped once more in Zack’s arms, pressing himself close and holding the other man just as tightly in return. 

Darkness fell more fully as they lay there, the flickering candlelight the only thing still illuminating the room. Made Cloud feel again like they were all alone in the world, just the two of them, safe and warm… but different from the white glow in his mind before. It blanketed them both, this feeling of quiet peace, and silence settled comfortably over them.

Still, eventually Cloud broke silence, tracing idle shapes over his lover’s body with his fingertips, voice quiet in the dark.

“Hey, Zack?”

“Mm?”

“…Thank you.”

Zack didn’t immediately respond, pulling back just enough to be able to look at Cloud’s face.

“For what?”

“Just-” Cloud tapered off, voice small and unsure. He fidgeted with a thread his fingers found sticking out of the blanket, trying to collect his thoughts. Fuck, why was this so difficult? “For being so patient with me, I guess. Sorry I freaked out.”

“Cloudy-sky, look at me.”

Zack put a hand under Cloud’s chin, tilting his face up from where he’d started looking away again. Cloud was scared of looking, scared of seeing disappointment, annoyance, something unpleasant in those vibrant eyes. But Zack was patient, and waited, until Cloud finally did dare to glance up. And when he did…

_Oh._

There was nothing but kindness in those eyes, glowing as they were with Mako in the near-dark; nothing but patience and love and understanding, and that small, soft, gentle smile Zack reserved just for Cloud. Cloud couldn’t look away, couldn’t hem the wave of emotion washing over him, even when the edges of his vision started turning blurry and he felt wetness drip over his cheeks. And still Zack smiled, calm and affectionate, as he made soft shushing noises and wiped the tears away with his thumbs, both hands cradling Cloud’s cheeks by now.

“Cloud, I love you, you know that, right? That’s not going to change. Especially not because you’re having a bad moment. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving.”

Zack was looking so intensely into his eyes, his gaze so full of all that love, and Cloud found his throat work without being able to say another word. So he just nodded, a sharp, jerky motion, unable to do much else. But when Zack pulled them closer, brushed their lips together, he sighed into the touch. He melted into the feeling, soft and pliant, opening his mouth easily when Zack’s tongue brushed over his bottom lip. They stayed like that for a long time, touching, feeling, tasting, utterly unhurried, just basking in their togetherness.

When they finally pulled back for breath, Cloud felt relaxed and safe once more, the last of his worries alleviated. He nuzzled back into Zack, curling up under his chin, perfectly content in the warmth. But he had to say something before he let silence fall over them again, before they could stay curled up a while longer.

“I love you too, Zack.”

Zack just kissed the top of his head and held him more tightly.

At some point, they would have to get out of bed, clean up the mess of ropes and wax and tangled sheets, make dinner, face the world again. But for now, in this room, this bed, this embrace? They could just be.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments give me life, please do let me know what you think <3


End file.
